2015 Game Show Turdament -- Round of 64

Boy...this is tough.

* 3's A Crowd was the sleazy Chuck Barris show that broke the camel's back, causing the downfall of his empire and Jim Peck's career. Inquizition, with its "host whose name is hidden because gimmick and nothing more", was harmless fluff. 7-4 in favor of the Inquizitor.
* Who's Still Standing? was a mess on both sides of the camera. Monopoly was a good show that just got saddled with a bad host. 9-2 in favor of Merv Griffin.
* While GSN's 1 vs. 100 was the result of the Xbox Live version's demise, it at least kept to the same format. All Love Buffet had going for it was Charlie O'Donnell. 8-3 in favor of GSN.
* ...Good lord, this matchup is terrible. The Million-Second Quiz had an okay format, but the money meaning nothing until the final hour and all the behind-the-scenes bullcrap meant it was just a mess. At least Big Deal was an interesting fusion of LMAD and TOC. 7-4 in favor of FOX.

...you realize both shows were on GSN, right?

Well, derp.

8-3 in favor of 1 vs. 100, then.

That's correct, yes. "In favor of" is basically shorthand for "I think this is the better of the two choices".

*NCAA theme*

Ernie: Welcome back to CBS's coverage of the 2015 Big Ass Ham Game Show Turdament. Four new matches are just about to begin, as we see the replacement refs reminding voter JayC that he needs to give the worst shows the fewest points.

Match #5

Ernie: Getting back to the matches. In the Rosen Bracket, we have this #5 seed:



Wheel 2000 (CBS/GSN, 1997-98, David Sidoni)

Scott Sternberg's junior version of "America's Game" eliminated everything that was actually good about "America's Game".

At the #12 seed is this flashy dud:



Duel (ABC, 2007-08, Mike Greenberg)

This short-lived quiz show combined WWTBAM and poker--two things that don't belong together. The stereotyping of potential contestants sent a lot of game show purists over the edge. And Greeny was just... there. Fortunately, most people didn't subject themselves to the second season of this piece of crap because it competed with TPIR's Million Dollar Spectaculars and WWE SmackDown.

Match #6

In the Wagner Bracket, we have the overproduced cringe-fest that spawned "Identity", "Duel", and a host of other primetime turds. In the #7 slot... you guessed it!



Deal or No Deal (NBC, 2005-09, Howie Mandel)

The most famous metal suitcases in the world were full of cash and unnecessary suspense, and ready to be picked by contestants straight out of central casting. NBC also syndicated a half-hour version that followed the UK/Australia format, but it was more wheeling and dealing than the public could tolerate. Both shows were gone by 2010, but GSN has been running the reruns into the ground ever since.

Facing Howie and the ladies will be a terrible update of a classic dating game show. Your #10 seed:



Love Connection (Syn, 1998-99, Pat Bullard)

An inocuous revival of Chuck Woolery's long-running dating game show, complete with cheap set and that grinning fool Pat Bullard.

Match #7

For the Burleson Bracket, it's another 8-9 battle. The #8 seed goes to a past Patrick Wayne Award winner:



Love Triangle (GSN, 2011, Wendy Williams) -- no video available

How you doin'?! Disgusted, after watching this game show version of "Maury Povich".

It will be playing against yet another hyped-up primetime pile. The #9 seed:



Million Dollar Password (CBS, 2008-09, Regis Philbin)

You need only two words to describe this show: Bastardized... Pyramid.

Match #8

Finally, in the Goddard Bracket, we have two more primetime bombs from the brain trusts at NBC and ABC. NBC has this entry at #7:



It's Worth What? (NBC, 2011, Cedric the Entertainer)

"Price Is Right" knock-off with unique objects and antiques. Are we sure this show belongs in this turdament? We're sure sure.

And we have ABC to thank for this #10 seed:



National Bingo Night (ABC, 2007, Ed Sanders)

Less exciting than a bingo hall full of old ladies.

Since Turdaments president Fireball will be on vacation for the next few days, votes will be accepted on these four matches until Friday July 10 at noon Eastern.

Finally, a pair that I can compare (assuming that you're allowed to rank them even if you haven't done so before).

I actually liked the gameplay concept of multiple choice questions and Poker. However, it was executed like any other WWTBAM ripoff. Wheel 2000's gameplay was slow, its budget was lacking, and it tried a bit too hard to be hip.

But Wheel 2000 has won this Duel. Or to be less confusing, Wheel 2000 (8 points) vs. Duel (3 points). Whether or not it counts, I just had to get at least one opinion out there.

Yep, just one I can actually vote in again...

Match 5: And this would be the one. I have some fond memories of Wheel 2000, and it did a pretty good job of filling its role as an exciting kids' game show. It's not perfect by any means, and it pales in comparison to the format it derives from, but I honestly don't think it belongs here. Likewise, Duel had a very solid format as far as the gameplay goes, but it suffered from a bit of meddling between seasons, as the week-long big-money tournament from Season 1 was shelved in favor of the cheaper weekly style of Season 2. I honestly prefer the Season 2 style for an ongoing series, but having a million-plus-dollar show suddenly cutting back their top prize to just half a million reeks of cheap and can turn off viewers. Both are great shows, neither deserves to move on, but one has to... Duel wins in a shootout, outspinning Wheel 2000 by a fairly close score of 7-4.

Match 6: I must abstain due to not having seen Love Connection. Off the record, I will say that Deal or No Deal in primetime was enjoyable in the earlier parts of its run, before all the gimmicks and before the Million Dollar Mission, and the daytime version was... okay. Of course, if you want an example of good Deal or No Deal, the UK version is far superior, and has enjoyed a longer run as a result (even with a lesser payout). Love Connection... I never really got into, even with Chuck hosting, and with Pat Bullard at the helm you know it's even worse. My just-for-fun vote runs 9-2 in favor of Deal or No Deal.

Match 7: Again, I've got to abstain due to not being able to see Love Triangle. I will say though, that Million Dollar Password... was not million-dollar and was barely Password. It was pretty much a massive letdown from start to finish, and I'm surprised it got a second season (though with the low amount of prizes given out, I guess they could afford it), but Regis did the best he could to keep it together and we at least got Betty White back on TV. Love Triangle... well, the less said about these "romance game shows" the better. Shiggles vote goes 9-2 in favor of Million Dollar Password.

Match 8: Once more I have to abstain, because I only saw a few bits of It's Worth What and nothing of National Bingo Night prior to this. It's Worth What seems more like a game you'd play with your friends at a flea market, not on primetime TV for up to a million dollars - it just doesn't do it much for me. National Bingo Night had its own problems, nailing the primetime vibe but lacking any kind of compelling gameplay, not to mention the fact that the audience could steal the prize at the last minute. Both of these shows are kind of blah, but one is more blah than the other. My just-for-fun vote gives the edge to It's Worth What by a score of 8-3.

Next four matches on tap. We'll go through these quickly since I'm really tired.

Match #9

The Rosen Bracket's #4 seed is GSN's massive cat turd:



The Meow Mix Think Like a Cat Game Show (GSN, 2008, Chuck Woolery)

Chuck took the money and ran like a cheetah after hosting this one-off game show special that was nothing more than a commercial for Meow Mix Wholesome Goodness cat food (which has since been discontinued due to poor sales). Proof positive that a pile of feline feces belongs in a litterbox, not on a TV.

In this catfight is the #13 seed, which has already seen action earlier:



The Weakest Link (Syn, 2002-03, George Gray)

This show lost in the play-in match against Let's Make a Deal (Brady), 108-68.

Match #10

Let's have a look at another #2 seed. Over in the Wagner Bracket, it was "no sale" for one of the most awful revivals in game show history:



Shop 'Til You Drop (PAX, 2003-05, J.D. Roberto)

The megastore was a megafail.

Facing it will be this #15 seed, hosted and produced by a game show legend on an off-day:



Shuffle: The Interactive Game (Family Channel, 1994, Wink Martindale)

The worst of Family Channel's infamous interactive block.

Match #11

I think we're due for a #1 seed to see some action, so here it comes. Heading up the Burleson Bracket is the GSN revival that totally blows. B-L-O-W-S!



Lingo (GSN, 2011, Bill Engvall)

It took a lot of balls to force dirty clues into a word game that didn't need them. Hey, Bill, here's your sign: Your show is f**king crap!

This show gets to play against a fellow GSN bomb--a #16 seed that has already been battle tested:



Lie Detectors (GSN, 2015, Rove McManus)

Earlier, this show failed to impress voters when compared to Where in Time Is Carmen Sandiego? It lost by a score of 44-11.

Match #12

We close out with the Goddard Bracket. The #3 seed is a current game show revival under its first host:



Family Feud (Syn, 1999-2002, Louie Anderson)

Show me terrible! Is it up there?! Louie may be a great stand-up comedian and voiceover actor, but he was uncomfortable and unbelievable in the role of game show host, and the show itself suffered because of it. The producers eventually gave Louie the Patrick Duffy treatment and brought in Richard "I'M DOUBLING THE POINTS!" Karn. Unlike "Bingo America", Karn kept this show afloat... but he himself got replaced by Twinkletoes, who in turn got replaced by "WE GONNA PLAY, STEVE!"

Its competition is another play-in loser from earlier in this turdament. The #14 seed:



Strip Poker (Syn/USA, 1999-2001, Graham Elwood)

This show was a 7-2 offsuit against Dog Eat Dog's pocket kings. Not surprisingly, Dog Eat Dog won, 73-15.

Votes are due on Monday July 13 at 7 PM Eastern.

Unfortunately for all of us, this was an actual game show.  Robert Seidelman did a brilliant slam on this game show in his very first video induction for Game Show Garbage.